Last of its post

sad to say, I would leave this blog to rot as I would blog via wretch.~~~

BB all..

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/aarongan05

another fatal mistake~~

Yesterday night around the period from 11pm to 12am, my HTC phone received a message which I would not dare to imagine. Eventually, I went to the clinic to take d "X"paper from the nurse at the counter; her cheerful smile comforted me slightly but I could not avoid the reality. In the "x" paper, the word "recommended" troubled me for the entire night causing me almost sleepless night.

With a strong drive, I was so eager to tell my dear regarding this but I couldn't get through her and seeing her exhausted and a little pressurized due to her complex schedule, I thought to back off and settle this by myself again. Standing alone, I feel it would not troubled the people beside me. Others might think that my matter is just a minor problem or maybe is to be taken for granted but to me personally, its like the matter of life and death.....

I wouldn't force others to put themselves into my shoes or sympathy.. but just their ignorance...

Today, my 1st class really cheered me up momentarily as my mind went white like a blank paper; no worries or troubles but it was another story later on. Later it was my mutual class with her and she was chatting all happily with her friends. Deep inside, I had brought the "X" paper with me, wanting to show her and telling her my misery since I had no one else to share with. Throughout the class, as she was busy chatting with her friends, my soul felt lonely and empty although she was just right beside me. My mood sunk down like a landslide and I had no intention of telling initially, seeing her with a happy-go-lucky attitude. As a result, there was no eagerness in me to break her mood as she had just underwent a tough week and there are more on the way.

Later on, my temper and mood just fluctuate causing me to leave her behind alone which I hardly perform acts like this. The main thing is that I realised that the "x" paper was missing! omg that form cost around rm180!!!

Can u imagine that sort of situation!!! without a doubt, I was running up and down, struggling to find that "x" paper but it was nowhere to be found.Regardless of that current situation, I went to ep, the girls dorm to search the "x" paper in her file but unfortunately, it wasn't there. At that moment, there was this intense pressure hovering me.

I felt like screaming or crying out loud but that was not my option. Quickly, I gave a call to my doctor and thank god! a light of hope had sparked! He told me that it was covered by insurance and it was possible to refund rm180 if I choose not to go.

As a result, I took the chance to tell her everything, my misery, trouble, worries and dissatisfaction. Regretfully, I asked her the same previous question and to consider seriously. Some might say that I m being too emotional or worry too much about the little details and obstacles in a relationship In my perception, these little problems which are not sorted out will eventually affect your relationship heavily and leading to an undesirable situation consequently.

It always that this health matter will affect me deeply and its not be taken lightly within myself. This will definitely reflect on her and myself....

Based on the answer she gave me, I felt confident and I deeply hoped this sparkle of fire will continue burning...

A clear msg to two ppl~

well i will make short and direct because this has bothered me recently:

1st,

please dun bother me anymore although i appreciate your care and presence. The main point is i have a gf ady! so try to understand the situation. Like I told you b4, i have my limits and dun try me... If this continues, I would rather break off our friendship.

2nd,

I do understand friendship is important and it doesnt matter if that person is in relationship, his/her friendship still goes on. BT! watch your attitude because i am always watching you...pls know your limits~~

the end of 1st crush

On 15/4, via msn, she was reminiscing back her good memories with me and accidentally went over the topic of liking each other before. Honestly, it was my sincere and fragile decision to tell that she was my crush and ending up we sort informing each other’s feelings priory. From my point of view, her figure of speech over the messenger chat box was hinting that her intention is vague; travel back in time and would had want to walk the same road with me before she had decided to left for overseas.

Her sudden and impatient question shot a bullet straight into my conscience when she asked, “if we have a chance to get back together again, would you want to?” Without a doubt, I answered, “ (name), although you were once a perfect girl in my heart, it is different now as my heart is occupied with a perfect person now. It is wasteful to look into the past but instead focus on the future.”

It was the same day itself our bond became stronger~~~~~

Relationships

*blows Man, this blog resembles an old wrecked house. My head wouldn’t dare to imagine what it would be like for the following semesters. With an occupied schedule and commitment, my life is currently like a boy gasping for air in an overwhelming crowd. I don’t like the fact which I would take some things for granted as well as pushing aside responsibilities, commitments and promises which I had made to myself; It’s a bad habit of neglecting one’s principles. I guess all these require self-discipline.
Still, the main part of my life I would like to preserve and prioritize is my relationships with my girlfriend, family and friends as they matter to me the most.
It’s like a breeze that we have been together for 6 months and I would say it has been a good period of time with ups and downs in our relationship. At least for me, in the age of 20, I had all my ‘1st’ Haha*smiles. Please do not mistake me as a pervert but more like a young boy who is excited with things he hasn’t seen before in his entire life. Now that I reminisce back our memories, it always put a smile on my face whenever I’m down or my mind going blank.
To me, personally, it is vital to maintain and preserve this relationship as I don’t want this to end.

Its been a long time~~~~

Likewise, it has been a really an ancient time since I last blogged. This phrase is being used frequently in my blog frequently if you guys noticed~ why? well, it means its time to store my memory into the hard disk(blog) before the main CPU(brain) blow into pieces

It’s a place where I pour out my jovial and saddened memories. Recently, since the beginning of the semester, a mixture of happenings has occurred in my daily life. I have been thinking; are all these events and happenings are meant to strengthen me up? to test my courage and perseverance? or to break down my spiritual strength?

Well, I figured out eventually that its all in my head. It’s up to me whether my perceptions would direct to positive or negative side. Besides, this phrase I have been sharing with my friends as the saying goes, “Environment influences a person’s personality and characteristic.” People breaking down in front me or simply indirectly motivating me or vice versa are part and parcel in my life now. Every single day, I face various situations and problems including good and bad events. I’ m thinking in my head, when’s my turn to break down? or to cry out loud the burden and pressure in me?

The answer is no…. it’s impossible for me as I have loads of responsibilities and tasks waiting behind me. In a way, I’m trying hard to develop a positive mind where I could handle obstacles and problems confidently - an inner voice which keeps reminding me “ NEVER GIVE UP, YOU NEVER TRY, YOU NEVER KNOW and etc”

A blessed xmas~

It has been long since I last wrote… still I could only find this time to blog~~~
The blessed and memorable Xmas started when I was chosen to play for the Christmas eve worship.
It had been my dream to play along with the trio of my church’s band – My brother, Jin Shan and Matthew. These three are the best combination of musicians I have ever met; they are skillful yet humble~~ Although I did messed up a little in the midst of songs, the presence of 100% satisfaction and overflowing joy was accompanying me that moment…

Before that, my dear including my MMU friends and I went to have a whole turkey INITIALLY at Amigo but unfortunately, our luck wasn’t there~~ still, we had turkey sets followed by some NOOBERS ordered Japanese cuisine. Can you believe it? Eating Japanese food on XMAS day?! What a joke~~ inevitably, I was laughing inside…
They joined my church’s worship which I was so glad to have my dear and my good friends by my side. It really boosted up my spiritual strength~~ My confidence rocketed as I could see a little face watching from the back~~ >.<

Eventually, we went to Portugese Settlement to join the countdown… WOW it was as though a haven for rats. The place was packed with people of all ages; not to mention pathetically spraying artificial spray snow to public as well as buffoons releasing firecrackers….

Despite all that nuisance, I enjoyed most by watching the various genuine lighting decorations of each and every house~~~

After the countdown and chaos, we went to Tribe for usual chit chatting~~~ with jessy, sophie, jenn, ah shuang, joanne, john, cheng hao, yong liang and jason~ The place was exquisite and phenomenal with the lighting and soft jazz music.. I love that place honestly~~~ It was our group’s TREND to play True or dare~~ omg~ it really stuck my vital laughter spot when Yong liang was declaring “I have a gf” while Ah shuang was “I don’t have a bf”. Eventually, someone from the other table presented him with a durex~~ haha >.< it was really hilarious….

Later, we ended up at kee siang’s house to call it a day~~~~ I gave her a Christmas tree as to reminisce about our 1st xmas together~~ I aint have no idea whether she liked it~~ but personally, I think the tree carried a personal and special meaning. My dear and I was feeling lots of intimacy and love that night like never before~~
Two days later, we went KL to spend our Christmas with a group of 7 which were me, Zhu, Munkey, john, TUPAI and BABI EMAS and eventually JENN.

The first stop was v’la court hotel~~ It was a pleasant hotel with adequate rooms. To be honest, the price charged along with the room’s capacity was tolerable. Later, we went to times square to meet up with jing zhu and had lunch. Beverages and food at kl were mouth watering food as there are a variety of them provided with their comfortable and air- conditioned place to feast. Next stop, we went to Mid valley to catch a movie. OMG~ that zhu without a doubt found a place to sit first as she was feeling fatigued and her feet were feeling sour.. can you believe that? For the 1st time in all my shopping years, I was finding places to sit instead of finding shops to shop till I drop~~

Later on, we went to catch a movie entitled Zombie Land~~ *laughs it was a hilarious movie but not to zhu and the monkey beside me who was screaming at the wrong time and place ==” .. We ended up back at the hotel while KS took his leave back to JB~~~ John and I slept “early” as our eyes were attached to the movie TITANIC on rmtv 2. The next morning, == sienz~~ I had insufficient sleep and I need time to fully wake up~~ FA DAI MODE~~ the zhu and monkey were striving hard to wake us up and it was freezing cold in that room~ those two aunties – sigh~~~

Around 12, we went to times square to meet up with jenn and did what were we here for! Shopping!! Unfortunately again, that ah poh was sitting down at one of the resting benches. =.=” She was motivated to shop when we reached sungai wang and at least she purchased a short pants~~~ I laughed to myself when the guys stand in a row outside the store as they were waiting for their gfs or wives.. haha how ironic it is :P…. In the end, I have to queue up for zhu as the queue was very long like the Great wall of China.

~~~ Munkey and Jenn were shopping as though money grew on trees…and I purchased a pair of shoes that she favoured. I was feeling miserable as well as she was being indecisive and you know what? I just solved her problem by purchasing the pair of shoes for her~~ PROBLEM SOLVED~~ at least I bought something that she keens~
The trip ended as we separated our ways back to our respective headed destinations.. That feeling of separation was unbearable.. and I could only sent her away with a goodbye kiss…
BB dear.. miss u~~~